Best Bits

Links to some of my favorite long-forgotten posts.

lake comoThe Reporter from Hollywood
Character bio modeled after The Canterbury Tales. Contains some surprising language. 


babyA Profane Memory
I got really mad once. I was two. 



SquareboobsWhere Boobs Go
Illustrates some common problems women have finding clothes that fit their tits.




Road to Elko
Mormon crickets baked into hot asphalt? Yummy.


las vegas beauty barA Bad Line
Women in bar bathrooms are bitches. And funny.


The_CorrectionsFound Notes on a Book I Apparently Did Not Like
Fuck you, Jonathan Franzen.


No graham cracker crust for you!


squashVariations on a Theme
I should have known that bitch would call a fucking bitch like you.


vomitingYou’re Cute, Don’t Let Me Throw Up on You
Being 22 and violently infatuated with a boy is such sweet Hell.


yodaWriting on the Internet is Jenny
Write like Yoda do not.


darknessInto Darkness
3D movies distract me from looking at pretty men.


This is what I dream about at night.

Alone Time is my favorite.


Mindy & Danny

Girl Music is from Jupiter
The only thing more offensive to me than the idea of “girly music” is the music itself.


OropaBlackMadonnaTruly Incroyable 
Is there a scientific term for laughing until you cry?



Squee! You're dead now.

Lessons on the River of Life, Part 2
A black swan, a Mickey Rourke lookalike, spiders, and a mountain of shit. Plus a baby hedgehog.

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