Links to some of my favorite long-forgotten posts.
The Reporter from Hollywood
Character bio modeled after The Canterbury Tales. Contains some surprising language.
A Profane Memory
I got really mad once. I was two.
Where Boobs Go
Illustrates some common problems women have finding clothes that fit their tits.
Road to Elko
Mormon crickets baked into hot asphalt? Yummy.
A Bad Line
Women in bar bathrooms are bitches. And funny.
Found Notes on a Book I Apparently Did Not Like
Fuck you, Jonathan Franzen.
No graham cracker crust for you!
Variations on a Theme
I should have known that bitch would call a fucking bitch like you.
You’re Cute, Don’t Let Me Throw Up on You
Being 22 and violently infatuated with a boy is such sweet Hell.
Writing on the Internet is Jenny
Write like Yoda do not.
3D movies distract me from looking at pretty men.
Alone Time is my favorite.
Girl Music is from Jupiter
The only thing more offensive to me than the idea of “girly music” is the music itself.
Is there a scientific term for laughing until you cry?
Lessons on the River of Life, Part 2
A black swan, a Mickey Rourke lookalike, spiders, and a mountain of shit. Plus a baby hedgehog.